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Feb. 26th, 2017

I know that you checked my pulse
to see if I was freaking out
'cause you were freaking out
(and I don't really know if I'm lying to you
or hiding the truth from myself)
Mapping out a sky--
what it feels like, planning a sky.
How it feels when voices that come
through a window go,
until they distance and die.
Until there's nothing but sky.

How the kind of woman willing to wait's
not the kind that you want to find waiting
to return you to the night,
dizzy from the height.
But to see--
it's the only way to see.

And when the woman that you wanted goes,
you can say to yourself,
"Well, I give what I give."
But the woman who won't wait for you knows
that, however you live, there's a part of you
always standing by,
mapping out a sky.
We do not belong together.
And we should have belonged together.
What made it so right together
is what made it all wrong.
No one is you. No one can be.
But no one is me.
Tell me what you feel.

What I feel. You know exactly how I feel.
Why do you insist you must have the words,
when I cannot give you words.
They have never understood,
and no reason that they should.
But, if anybody could...

Oh no, not not.
Please, not now.
I just settled into the glass half-empty,
made myself at home.
And so, why now?
Please not now.
I just stopped believing in happy endings,
harbors of my own.

But you had to come along, didn't you?
Tear down the doors, throw open windows.
Oh, if you knew just what a fool you have made me.
So what do I do with this?
These inconvenient fireworks?
God, I just want to lay down,
these colors make my eyes hurt.
This feeling calls for everything that I am not.

I'm not that kind--
I'm so good at shooting down any notion
this tired world could change.
It's all been bought--
Well, at least that was my line.
No use in spending all that emotion
when there's someone else to blame.

But you had to come along, didn't you?
Rev up the crown, rewrite the rule book.
Where do I go when every no turns into maybe?
So what do I do with this?
This sudden burst of sunlight,
and me, with my umbrella,
cross-indexing every weatherman's report.
I was ready for the downslide, but not for spring to well up,
this feeling calls for everything
I can't afford to know is possible now.

What do I do with a love that won't sit still,
won't do what it's told?

Feb. 15th, 2017

I confess: I messed up,
dropping I'm sorry like you're still around.
And I know, you dressed up--
Hey, kid, you'll never live this down.
You're just the boy all the boys wanna dance with,
and I'm just the boy using too many chances.
I'm sleeping on your folks front porch again,
dreaming.

I don't blame you for being you,
but you can't blame me for hating it.
I set my clocks early 'cause you know I'm always late.

Write me off, give up on me,
'cause, darling, what did you expect?
I'm just off-- a lost cause, a long shot,
don't even take this bet.
You can make all the moves,
you can aim all the spotlights,
get all the sighs and moans just right--
I don't blame you for being you,
but you can't blame me for hating it.

Feb. 13th, 2017

you don't need to need me.
it's better that you don't.
if each of us can walk away,
it won't matter that I won't.
Just settle down,
there's room for the new girl in town.
Everyone just walks away.
I'm used to it.
No need to say
goodbye.
i'm sick of losing soulmates,
so how do we begin?
i can finally see
you're as fucked up as me,
so how do we win?